Photo: Duane Tinkey
Writer: Kylie Petty
Change is a fact of life. Things can shift slowly over the years, or suddenly, without warning. From moving to a new home to finding a new job to losing a loved one to the birth of new family members, every transition can bring a measure of stress and uncertainty.
Each person moves through those chapters of life differently, but no one has to do it alone. An array of resources and experts can offer support to smooth the bumpy ride. We asked a few to share their advice for coping with life’s twists and turns.
WHEN WORK DOESN’T WORK ANYMORE
About half of working Americans are considering a career change, according to Forbes. And only a third of workers feel engaged at work, according to Gallup data. Toxic work environments, limited growth opportunities and compensation concerns all contribute to daily stress and overall discontentment.
The EFR Employee Assistance Program offers a variety of free services and resources to help navigate stressful work environments and the difficult transition of changing jobs.
GRIEVING MORE THAN A MARRIAGE
Amber Crosby is a licensed independent social worker who works with clients going through divorce. She said they grieve “not only the loss of the person, but also the loss of hopes and dreams, the loss of what the relationship was supposed to be.”
Divorce inevitably triggers lots of emotions, including sadness, anger, anxiety and even relief. Crosby encourages her clients to embrace their emotions and to understand there’s no single, correct way to process them.
“Everybody’s going to walk this journey in their own way,” she said. “They’re not expected to go through it the same as the person next to them.”
She recommends finding someone to confide in — not to solve problems, but just to relieve some of the pressure. Whether it’s a friend or a professional, a confidant can help uncork bottled-up emotions.
People going through divorce can find counselors at the Central Iowa Family Institute for help with discernment, conciliation and more, or find someone online at Psychology Today.
BALANCING THE BABY BLUES
The transition into parenthood can alter one’s sense of identity, not only as a person but also a partner. New parents have to navigate new roles, with plenty of unknowns. It can take awhile to figure out the “new normal.”
Maddie Moree is a licensed independent social worker who coaches people through pregnancy, postpartum depression, infertility and other challenges associated with reproductive health. She said some women feel isolated because of perinatal or postpartum mental health issues, which are rarely discussed, so it’s important for expecting or new mothers to surround themselves with people who can offer support. (Read more about mental health impacts on new mothers in our story on page 38.)
Feelings of isolation are particularly common for people who become new parents earlier than their friends. They also may struggle to navigate a new work-life balance.
Even parents who already have children can underestimate the changing family dynamics, Moree said. Parents can be excited about expanding their family, but also grieve the time they had before the new child. As Moree puts it, “It’s a grief of the seasons left behind in our life.”
For holistic support, parents can connect locally with Bloom Women’s Wellness in Urbandale. Or, find a therapist anywhere using the online tool Postpartum Support International.
LIFE AFTER THE LAST SHIFT
A common misconception people have about retirement is that it equals full-time happiness after clocking out for the last time, said licensed mental health counselor Duane Halbur. He’s been a counselor in the Quad Cities for more than 25 years and specializes in working with older adults.
Instead, there may be joy at first, but then disenchantment sets in. Retirees often experience anxiety, boredom and a sense of restlessness. Many of Halbur’s clients also lose the social relationships they developed through work. “Loneliness is one of the bigger risks of retirement,” he said.
But, Halbur said, “retirement also equals opportunity.” It’s a new phase of life. People who enjoyed the structure of a job and the relationships that came with it have to create their own routine in retirement. Halbur recommends signing up to volunteer or joining a gym or a health club. “If people stay social and stay physically active, they will do well in retirement,” he said. “They can really find a meaningful, purpose-driven life.”
The Iowa Department of Health and Human Services’ (HHS) Aging Services division provides support and services to Iowans aged 60 and older, including advocacy for their rights and well-being. The Retired & Senior Volunteer Program, part of the AmeriCorps Seniors program, connects volunteers aged 55+ with community service opportunities. HHS helps coordinate this program.
PREPARING FOR THE INEVITABLE
David Iles is the assistant general manager for Iles Funeral Homes, where he often helps families arrange their funeral services. He said many people are now planning their own funerals to reduce emotional and financial stress on their friends and family later on.
Like weddings, most funerals involve lots of decisions. But unlike a wedding, families often have to make those decisions in just a few days, during a difficult time. Iles said planning ahead of time “allows that family to grieve and focus on what’s important in the moment.”
He also mentioned that many clients are surprised by how much fun they have in the pre-planning process. Since they aren’t dealing with the tough emotions in the moment, he said, they can focus on the things that will make the funeral personal to the loved one and meaningful for the family.
The Iles Funeral Homes website offers numerous resources for community support groups, grief counseling and more.
THE GAME OF LIFE
Through each new season, it’s important to remember that everyone experiences transitions differently. Everyone has different coping skills, and people can hold sadness and joy in the same space.
Experts say it’s important to practice self-care, seek support and socialize with family and friends. A therapist can help recognize unhealthy thought patterns and help navigate complex emotions.
Our experts agree that grief is not a linear process; it often comes in waves. People should embrace their ups and downs without guilt, judgment or comparison because each person’s experience is unique.
“These transitions are really hard, so it’s important to validate our own emotions and experiences,” Moree said. “Be super compassionate to yourself.
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